so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
