tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
