We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
