Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
