Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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