She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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