The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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