Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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