Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
