apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
