So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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