buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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