R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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