Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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