not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
