Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
