I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
