I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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