ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
