I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
