Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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