i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
