So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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