Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
