I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
