i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize