so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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