You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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