party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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