Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
