she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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