Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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