There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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