i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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