id be glad to
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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