also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
