I wish I only lived at night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
