On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
