i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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