cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
