Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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