He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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