You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
