mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
