I didn't shave. On purpose
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
