If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
