If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
