just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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