oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
