His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
