some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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