Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I bet he comes in French.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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