god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
