shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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