His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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