I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
