I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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