just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
