he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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