Yo dont text me then not text me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think my moral compass just broke
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