He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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