So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
