you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
