Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
last night I used snow as a chaser
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