You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
