i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
