Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
